Me to Zakary this morning before he left for school: what’s the point of having a secret handshake if you aren’t going to use it?!

Andrew to me this morning, after giving him his gummy vitamin: annnnnd I’ll take one of those marshmallows right there.
Me: nice try

The dentist after treating my dry socket after a tooth extraction last week: you’ll feel much better after the numbing goes away, but here’s a script for more Vicodin.
Me: I thought you said it would feel better?!